Welcome to Kansas
by D. E. S. Hammaker

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When we entered the world of special needs in 2003, I read Emily Perl Kingsley’s 1987 essay “Welcome to Holland.” It compares parenting a child with special needs to planning a dream trip to Italy, only to be rerouted to Holland—different, yet still filled with beauty. The essay encourages parents to embrace the unexpected journey, and it has garnered criticism for missing key points, notably the deep loss of unfulfilled dreams and the fracturing of connections as caregivers now travel isolated on the road of many unknowns. 

 

Almost 40 years later, I can tell you our journey hasn’t been all tulips and windmills, but it hasn’t been bad either.  Raising my autistic son, also a triplet,  from age 2 to 22 has given me a sense of accomplishment that I didn’t know existed.  It has been its own adventure and much more akin to a long and winding road where the GPS often says “recalculating.”  We don’t need to travel far to gain new perspectives.  Our story, like many peoples, can be found right here in the good ole USA and it starts with a place called Kansas…

a state in the heart of Tornado Alley.

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Now most everyone expects life to stay as is, yet it can take a serious turn.  In the sunflower state, we spend years enjoying wide-open landscapes and all-you-can-eat fried chicken buffets.  However, one day, there is a twister coming… one like you’ve never seen and cannot imagine.  It lifts you up, spins you around, and sets you down in the strange land of Otz. We do our best to stay calm, but nothing prepared us for this storm. We spent months, even years, picturing birthday parties, soccer games, and Pinterest-worthy playdates. These dreams now lay in desolation as we struggle to comprehend new milestones, communication, and normal behavior.  (What is “normal” anyway?)

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After the whirlwind dies down, maybe in a year or two, we find ourselves homesick and longing for the life we dreamt; yet never knew.  From beneath the piles of debris… mainly forms and paperwork, we do our best to evaluate doctors’ visits, assessments, and school reviews that we hope will point us in the “right” direction, but it is far from home and the life we once knew.  We feel sadness, fear, and worry about our child’s future.  There is no yellow brick road, only a bumpy dirt trail making it hard to navigate with our shiny red slippers.  Each mile the road splits, then splits again, eventually branching off in a hundred directions.  Each crossroad is a decision that feels heavy with consequence.  Flying monkeys descend raining down more forms… more rules, more acronyms.  Kansas is so far away.  You ask yourself: Where is the wizard?  ...turning over every stone.  Then one day…

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We emerge. 

We see we’ve met many other travelers who show us wisdom, love, and courage.  As we move off Main Street and on to New Horizons Road, we meet parents that help us solve problems, learn, and adapt - all while sharing their experiences, hope, and prayers.  We meet professionals that guide us on strategy and help us celebrate the small wins.  We embrace friends who have our backs as we advocate and they remind us,

we are enough, even though we rarely feel it. 

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Eventually we find gratitude and embrace God’s promise “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11) 

Our vision becomes clearer as we see the unique ways our child expresses their feelings and ideas,

their one-of-a-kind style, candidness, and fresh perspective.  We learn to live in the present and it is in the moment we find acceptance and celebrate our child’s beautiful heart and soul.

Kansas becomes a steppingstone to a gilded life of loving and lifting a child through new beginnings.

No, you don’t need a Wizard.  You only need simple faith that love truly does conquer all.   

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This is my hard-earned happy ending.  Best of all, you get to choose yours...        bring snacks.  😊 

 

The End.

 

“Just for today, I will lay down yesterday’s worries and tomorrow’s fears,

choosing instead to meet my child—and myself—right here in this moment.”  

D.E.S. Hammaker, Autism Made Easier, 2025

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